I woke up today with a heavy feeling in the pit of my tummy. I couldnt really think of a reason to get out of my bed. Now thats quite a disturbing thought - because if you cannot think of a reason that you would want to get out of bed - why in fact do u exist?
Unemployment can come as a crushing blow if you previously defined yourself by your job. Whilst its true that some days are better than others - when everyday starts looking the same the days tend to get worse. I think it has a lot to do with hopefulness and confidence. Two traits that I am running severely short on at the moment.
I have been out of work for just over 3 months now. Luckily I am young - and by some stroke of good fortune I might just be able to recover. Its been so long since I've worked that I am really scared that I won't be able to work ever again. The longer I don't work the more the brain rot sets in. I've noticed it already. I don't even want to socialise anymore because I dont feel I have anything valuable to contribute.
my silly little backstory...
I graduated from university - just over 2 years ago. I have worked since - but nothing noteworthy - no "real" job - so to speak.
Until a few months ago my only dream was to become a fantastically talented cinematographer. These dreams are starting to change quite drastically. aaaa the innocence /idealism/romantic notions that sprout forth in university.. But alas - out in the job maraket you are not special - nobody really cares if you can hang out a three story window just to get the right shot. There are just too many talented and special people out there. I just dont feel like one of them.
The wealth of self- help information is astounding. I've become fascinated by it. Even though ironically I think it might be becuase so much of my time is spent surfing for jobs and information that I am not getting anything done. Self help experts would cringe. But hey maybe one day I too will become a self-help expert.I am looking into a way to finance my psychology masters. I think maybe my thesis might even have something to do with the long term effects of joblessness.
Anyway I don't want this to become a depressing blog at all. But I may as well be honest - this is the big issue for me right now. My hope is that eventually I will be able to turn these little ideas and thoughts into some meaningful articles at some stage. Until then excuse me if i just ramble on....
- just got a slighty cheering thought - when i do actually find a job i will change this column to chronicles of the now blissfully employed :)
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