i'm in my blogging mood...

Whenever i am feeling blue i get an urge to blog. No wonder this blog is such a splotchy mess!

Actually maybe i can identify with its inherently tragic nature.

Wow life is pretty hectic in my world at the moment. My mom is so sick now it's really hard to watch. I'm starting to feel really, freakishly alone. I'm sure its normal considering my situations at the moment but that is of little comfort as i choke back tears and maintain a brave exterior.

I have so much to do and i can suddenly hear a very loud clock ticking away the moments until we lose our mother.

Maybe the worst part is my little brother and sister. I feel so bad for them that i am constantly overcompensating for mothers slowly decreasing presence. They are scared, I am scared, and my mom is scared. Scared that we don't have much time left.

I guess its all beyond words really, which is why i don't even try to articulate these thoughts to real people :P But damnit i am looking forward to the next time i can make it to my cosy little bar!

Anyway. 5 million things to do and of course nowhere near enough time to do them all***

OK admittedly been terrible about posting despite best intentions. I was so stoked about the new, rambly direction I was going to push my blog toward and then just completely lost a few weeks while i try to juggle all these duties. Right now I have about 2 hours all to myself! The kids are at their father, gal pal who is staying with me has a function and my mom is sleeping. It's strange but i spend so much time i wishing i had more time , i ending up wasting my time.

There are about 5 million productive things i SHOULD be doing right now. Catching up some work and helping my bank account grow should be top priority. Just can't face the thought of actually concentrating! The house is pigsty, my room doesnt have a surface left for anything, and everybody has laundry that needs to be done. Plus theres all this admin that needs to get sorted out before my mom gets sicker. I am really starting to STRESS out majorly.

it's a really rainy, cold afternoon... and i'd actually just really like to flippen cuddle.

ok maybe i should try to do some work instead of rambling here LOL!