So with the sudden rainy winter weather i have taken to spending waaaay too much time in bed. I just can't be bothered to get prettied up and go out. Why leave when i have copious blankies and duvets spread out on my beautiful bed. I think it's my favourite place on earth at this point.
Slept for waaay too long last nite. This inevitably leads to five million vivid dreams/nightmares/nightterrors/day terrors. I used to dream about the end of the world.. luckily for the moment this has stopped.
Although they have taken on a new kind of fear... I often dream I am back in grahamstown (or some version thereof) and trying to get home. Something always goes wrong and I am stuck there? Can't remember enough of it now but ended up in a Hitler memorial at university running around trying to find my things (?) . Maybe it had something to do with the super trippy Lost episode i watched last night?
Anyway once again i am supposed to be out and about *sigh* I don't want to leave my warm cacoon though. The thought of washing my hair, squeezing into non-fat pants and going out makes me shiver LOL. Beer with the boys... usually the thought of beer would be enough to set this prettying chain of events up but... damnit it's cold, rainy and miserable.
And I'm loving it from this vantage point!
Saturday, April 28
Thursday, April 26
Note to self: HANGOVERS SUCK
What started out as a pretty tame evening ended at 5:30 this morning as I somehow managed to get home (after getting lost in a strange neighborhood and my cell battery dying!). Not sure why the hangover is so bad this time ~ must have something to do with copious shooters consumed throughout the evening. Definitely very very fun. I just hate the fact that i can only remember bits and pieces of the night - I am sure this means i made a fool of myself (again!).
*sigh* when will i ever learn!?!?!
Woke up feeling like my head was about to split open. Wondering how its possible to feel so stupid and useless. and Eeek ! I haven't managed to do a stitch of work the entire day. Between my blossoming Facebook addiction, my aimless web surfing and copious chick flick watching it's pretty much been a day lost.
Tried to perk myself up with a nice hot soak but after i managed to run myself a bath was unable to do much except lie there, pondering the state of my single-girl legs (unshaved LOL).
How sad. I'm too lazy to do anything but moan and groan.
I'm loving this rain though.. perfect weather to act like a walrus and flop about :)
*sigh* when will i ever learn!?!?!
Woke up feeling like my head was about to split open. Wondering how its possible to feel so stupid and useless. and Eeek ! I haven't managed to do a stitch of work the entire day. Between my blossoming Facebook addiction, my aimless web surfing and copious chick flick watching it's pretty much been a day lost.
Tried to perk myself up with a nice hot soak but after i managed to run myself a bath was unable to do much except lie there, pondering the state of my single-girl legs (unshaved LOL).
How sad. I'm too lazy to do anything but moan and groan.
I'm loving this rain though.. perfect weather to act like a walrus and flop about :)
Monday, April 23
The Seething Rage and Random moans
I'm feeling muuuch better than the last time I posted (I am not too sick to smoke anymore~ I even managed to get a beer in at the end of last week =)
Pretty much everything is sucking at the moment.
Started with an awful 'Incident' happening with the ex's Crazy crazy sister. (Literally just out of the loony bin !) It's too awful to talk about but I have been like completely crippled with anger since the Incident. Was temporarily considering voodoo type universal redress. I bawled copiously and lamented the loss of an important part of my life (not the crazy b&^*% but the friendship with ex and closeness to his parents.) Anyway its one of those things I am dying to talk about but won't.
i am getting angry about it all over again GRRRRR.
Have been very comforted by thoughts of Karma and universal redress -- she will get what she deserves eventually*
The tragedy is that it has totally spoiled the friendship between me and ex.. which was a major sanity keeper. Am left feeling as though the relationship has ended all over again. He's taking her side in what is clearly a completely ridiculous crazy freakout on her part. *sigh*moan*wails*
I have been shocked at my own capacity to feel anger. I havent felt anger like this in many many years. Anger, sadness, hurt and complete blind rage.
Now this massive torrent of anger has completely thrown me off balance everywhere else. Work is a mess, am clearly not getting along with Major Client and on the verge of rising a middle finger (politely of course).
Am feeling very claustrophobic at home. It isn't fun sharing a house with three other sick people in the best of circumstances. Add in all the factors at play in this mad household and we have recipe for unmitigated grumpiness.
Hopefully it's a temporary funk. Caring Shag Buddy (or something like that) is coming to town on Wednesday. Not sure if we will shag though. Am looking forward to it - we always have fun either way.
Have been having a strange/impossible/unheard of resolution brewing in my head for a while. It all started after I read a thread on a male forum about never marrying a 'shag buddy.' Had a major lightbulb moment. Not that I want to be married (LOL), but it would be nice if some lovely man/long lost soulmate might deem me worthy of spending our lives together. Do I need to stop having shag buddies?
And this isnt the only change ruminating in my head... Although maybe i should refrain from making life changing decisions whilst doped up on flu meds.
Anyway I should be working now. Amazing how urgent blogging seems when theres work to be done hehehe
*Peace to all - Except a certain Crazy who shall remain unnamed*
Pretty much everything is sucking at the moment.
Started with an awful 'Incident' happening with the ex's Crazy crazy sister. (Literally just out of the loony bin !) It's too awful to talk about but I have been like completely crippled with anger since the Incident. Was temporarily considering voodoo type universal redress. I bawled copiously and lamented the loss of an important part of my life (not the crazy b&^*% but the friendship with ex and closeness to his parents.) Anyway its one of those things I am dying to talk about but won't.
i am getting angry about it all over again GRRRRR.
Have been very comforted by thoughts of Karma and universal redress -- she will get what she deserves eventually*
The tragedy is that it has totally spoiled the friendship between me and ex.. which was a major sanity keeper. Am left feeling as though the relationship has ended all over again. He's taking her side in what is clearly a completely ridiculous crazy freakout on her part. *sigh*moan*wails*
I have been shocked at my own capacity to feel anger. I havent felt anger like this in many many years. Anger, sadness, hurt and complete blind rage.
Now this massive torrent of anger has completely thrown me off balance everywhere else. Work is a mess, am clearly not getting along with Major Client and on the verge of rising a middle finger (politely of course).
Am feeling very claustrophobic at home. It isn't fun sharing a house with three other sick people in the best of circumstances. Add in all the factors at play in this mad household and we have recipe for unmitigated grumpiness.
Hopefully it's a temporary funk. Caring Shag Buddy (or something like that) is coming to town on Wednesday. Not sure if we will shag though. Am looking forward to it - we always have fun either way.
Have been having a strange/impossible/unheard of resolution brewing in my head for a while. It all started after I read a thread on a male forum about never marrying a 'shag buddy.' Had a major lightbulb moment. Not that I want to be married (LOL), but it would be nice if some lovely man/long lost soulmate might deem me worthy of spending our lives together. Do I need to stop having shag buddies?
And this isnt the only change ruminating in my head... Although maybe i should refrain from making life changing decisions whilst doped up on flu meds.
Anyway I should be working now. Amazing how urgent blogging seems when theres work to be done hehehe
*Peace to all - Except a certain Crazy who shall remain unnamed*
Tuesday, April 17
Snot sucks
*sniff sniff*
I am feeling so supremely sorry for myself I feel like I should have some violin music following me from the ether. I had to dig my keyboard out from the mountain of snotty tissues (again!) so I could write this post...
I havent been sick like this in YEARS and YEARS. Too sick to smoke !?!?
The worst part is that my mom has got too. And my brother but my mom is the real worry. Her compromised immune system won't be able to handle this .. she says she'll be in hospital by tomorow night.
*sigh* I just want to feel sorry for myself for a while though.
In an ideal world a Concerned Caring Boyfriend would bannish me to bed with a cup of lovingly prepared tea and a magazine. He'll pull out a stash of fun flu medication he lovingly chose from the chemist and feed me snot reducing, fast acting drugs. He'll undress me and put my favouritest softest jammies on while said drugs kick in. "Get some rest my sweet" he will say while tucking me in and cuddling me.
Aaaah well we can all dream yeah :P
On a happy happy note - school holidays are officially over tomorow so the little *$*@ is back to it! WOOHOO
I am feeling so supremely sorry for myself I feel like I should have some violin music following me from the ether. I had to dig my keyboard out from the mountain of snotty tissues (again!) so I could write this post...
I havent been sick like this in YEARS and YEARS. Too sick to smoke !?!?
The worst part is that my mom has got too. And my brother but my mom is the real worry. Her compromised immune system won't be able to handle this .. she says she'll be in hospital by tomorow night.
*sigh* I just want to feel sorry for myself for a while though.
In an ideal world a Concerned Caring Boyfriend would bannish me to bed with a cup of lovingly prepared tea and a magazine. He'll pull out a stash of fun flu medication he lovingly chose from the chemist and feed me snot reducing, fast acting drugs. He'll undress me and put my favouritest softest jammies on while said drugs kick in. "Get some rest my sweet" he will say while tucking me in and cuddling me.
Aaaah well we can all dream yeah :P
On a happy happy note - school holidays are officially over tomorow so the little *$*@ is back to it! WOOHOO
Tuesday, April 10
An Ode to my departed Easter Egg stash
Well perhaps the word "stash" is overexaggerating. But i had a decent sized bag of chocolate eggs, bunnies and other assorted chocolate delights. Woke up this morning with brightly coloured wrappings strewn around my bed.
Sat bolt upright trying to figure out what happened to the chocoloates. Then figured it out - that dream i was having about chocolate.... was REAL!
hehehehe - had a good laugh thinking sheesh welll i must really have needed the chocolate. :)
Sat bolt upright trying to figure out what happened to the chocoloates. Then figured it out - that dream i was having about chocolate.... was REAL!
hehehehe - had a good laugh thinking sheesh welll i must really have needed the chocolate. :)
Monday, April 9
Happy Easter and other short stories
Shew! Easter was crazy.. probably the longest day this gal has seen in a while. Am stoked to have started blogging again to be able to get some of these thoughts down ...
Woke up way to early and got some work done before i was expected to be anywhere. Then had to go and pick up my gran at the old age home, something I was dreading. It makes me so sad to see such a strong woman in such a state. She can't walk at all anymore, she can't talk, she can't even feed herself. Anyway I managed to get her into my car and made the mammoth trek from the home to my dads house. Much comedy ensued as we tried to get my gran from my car into the house. Well tragic comedy.
This easter was strange for several reasons. My mom decided to stay home, which made us all sad because we never know if it's her last easter. My siblings have now finally declared themselves too old to look for eggs :( Well my sister wanted us to hide them so next year i think we can revert back to the easter egg hunt. Had a lovely lunch and had fun with my little boet whom I actually miss terribly when he stays at my dads house. Usual sister and brother fighting exhausted us all and after lunch my dad promptly fell asleep.
By this stage i was completely pooped, and just wanted to have a nap in my own bed with some furry sausages as cuddle companions. Alas.
After i got home i got an eerily well timed call from Al who was pissed and wanting to go out. He had caught me just before I fell asleep. So i'll go for a sundowner and come home to feast on easter egg chocolates before i pass out ~ well it sounded like a great plan.
Went and picked poor drunken Al up, and settled into a comfy spot at my favourite drinking hole. Waiters had a good laugh at my pretty pink dress. "Did you go to church today daaaahling?"
Al spent first part of evening waxing lyrical about his love for me, and vowing to fight for my everlasting love. I think he even proposed to me a few times. He's the opposite of a commitment phobe, which is pretty rare these days.
My Awesome Gal Pal joined us and we three preceded to get mighty drunk. Beer, shooters, southern comfort, wine and more shooters. We even called mr fun.
At some point a raging headache started attacking my temples.
"who are you?"
I am your HEADACHE
"what do you want"
I want you to go home and stop drinking
"i don't wanna, i'm having fun talking shit and drinking beer"
We'll see about that ...
By this stage Awesome Gal Pal was having superdeep heart to heart with bar lady, Al was passed out on a super comfy couch , and i just wanted to go home.
Of course things never go according to plan, Gal Pal got teary and needed plenty hugs and listening to by this stage. I just wanted to go home.
Finally a few hours later we managed to drag her out of there... Drove Al home and promptly passed out. After much moaning about headache of course.
Guess the headache won after all.
And as usual in the light of new day I vow never to drink again. We'll see about that!
Woke up way to early and got some work done before i was expected to be anywhere. Then had to go and pick up my gran at the old age home, something I was dreading. It makes me so sad to see such a strong woman in such a state. She can't walk at all anymore, she can't talk, she can't even feed herself. Anyway I managed to get her into my car and made the mammoth trek from the home to my dads house. Much comedy ensued as we tried to get my gran from my car into the house. Well tragic comedy.
This easter was strange for several reasons. My mom decided to stay home, which made us all sad because we never know if it's her last easter. My siblings have now finally declared themselves too old to look for eggs :( Well my sister wanted us to hide them so next year i think we can revert back to the easter egg hunt. Had a lovely lunch and had fun with my little boet whom I actually miss terribly when he stays at my dads house. Usual sister and brother fighting exhausted us all and after lunch my dad promptly fell asleep.
By this stage i was completely pooped, and just wanted to have a nap in my own bed with some furry sausages as cuddle companions. Alas.
After i got home i got an eerily well timed call from Al who was pissed and wanting to go out. He had caught me just before I fell asleep. So i'll go for a sundowner and come home to feast on easter egg chocolates before i pass out ~ well it sounded like a great plan.
Went and picked poor drunken Al up, and settled into a comfy spot at my favourite drinking hole. Waiters had a good laugh at my pretty pink dress. "Did you go to church today daaaahling?"
Al spent first part of evening waxing lyrical about his love for me, and vowing to fight for my everlasting love. I think he even proposed to me a few times. He's the opposite of a commitment phobe, which is pretty rare these days.
My Awesome Gal Pal joined us and we three preceded to get mighty drunk. Beer, shooters, southern comfort, wine and more shooters. We even called mr fun.
At some point a raging headache started attacking my temples.
"who are you?"
I am your HEADACHE
"what do you want"
I want you to go home and stop drinking
"i don't wanna, i'm having fun talking shit and drinking beer"
We'll see about that ...
By this stage Awesome Gal Pal was having superdeep heart to heart with bar lady, Al was passed out on a super comfy couch , and i just wanted to go home.
Of course things never go according to plan, Gal Pal got teary and needed plenty hugs and listening to by this stage. I just wanted to go home.
Finally a few hours later we managed to drag her out of there... Drove Al home and promptly passed out. After much moaning about headache of course.
Guess the headache won after all.
And as usual in the light of new day I vow never to drink again. We'll see about that!
Friday, April 6
*sneaking back onto your screen quietly*
It's been a crazy few months since I last posted. Seems like so much has been happening this blog kind of ... disintegrated while i fell in love, flipped out and dealt with the usual daily trials at home.
I've been dying to blog about it for a while. So i thought i'd give it a bash
J broke up with me a few months ago. i can't believe time has passed so quickly but I guess this is the nature of time. Maybe not a good sign in terms of broken heart recovery because it still feels pretty fresh in my psyche. doesn't help that we have a blossoming friendship based on comfort. Ugh.
The past few months have been spent in quiet reflection of the monstrous fuck up that was our relationship. Very Wise Friend says i shouldnt be spending time with someone who brings me down.. makes me wonder but unfortunately thats the extent of it for now. I'll just wonder for a few more months.
Getting a bit tired of wondering whats wrong with him. A good sign i think. I should have known he was an arsehole when he kicked my dog. yeah you read right - he kicked my dog! (Non debateable criteria for Next Boy: will love my sausages )
Am enjoying being single more than I thought I would/could. It's been strange - single for the first time ... well ever really. Well there was that year at the end of varsity but thats all a bit hazy - does it count as quality single time if you can't remember much of it? I am absolutely loving the freedom of going out and doing what I want WITHOUT APPROVAL. Not half as scary as I envisioned - minus the fear of parallel parking. It seems if I am going to be single for much longer I am going to need to know how to get my car into a parallel spot by myself. I mean really it's ridiculous that I can't.
On the home front things are pretty much the same. Well... Youngest brother has turned 13 and boy is it apparent that puberty is rearing its ugly head in the house. For a while it was tantrums and screaming, the door slamming comes a bit later in the whole equation if I remember correctly? His all-consuming obsession with computer games is somewhat sad to watch. Shouldn't he be playing outside in the sunshine or riding bikes?
My mother has given up on treatment. It's a never ending battle that seems to have been going on for as long as we can remember. Her last round of radiation made her violently ill - scarily so. She started the whole "quality of life" line of thinking again. so now mum is sans evil cancer treatment. She's just pretty tired all the time. Wish I could wave a magic wand and make it go away. Wish someone would wave something and make it go away. All these amazing brains on earth and no-ones figured this out? Come on people!
My insomnia has graciously returned while I am completely stressing out about work. Maybe because I have lost 2 whole working days this week to hangover ... am feeling insanely guilt ridden about laziness this week and as a result have vowed to actually spend tomorow (a sunny saturday) indoors chained to my computer.
Will make the beer taste better, and sunday's hangover feel a little more deserved.
hah well not too bad for the first post in ages.. there's loads more but *sigh* guess i will save it for another contemplative/whiny/self indulgent/pensive moment.
I've been dying to blog about it for a while. So i thought i'd give it a bash
J broke up with me a few months ago. i can't believe time has passed so quickly but I guess this is the nature of time. Maybe not a good sign in terms of broken heart recovery because it still feels pretty fresh in my psyche. doesn't help that we have a blossoming friendship based on comfort. Ugh.
The past few months have been spent in quiet reflection of the monstrous fuck up that was our relationship. Very Wise Friend says i shouldnt be spending time with someone who brings me down.. makes me wonder but unfortunately thats the extent of it for now. I'll just wonder for a few more months.
Getting a bit tired of wondering whats wrong with him. A good sign i think. I should have known he was an arsehole when he kicked my dog. yeah you read right - he kicked my dog! (Non debateable criteria for Next Boy: will love my sausages )
Am enjoying being single more than I thought I would/could. It's been strange - single for the first time ... well ever really. Well there was that year at the end of varsity but thats all a bit hazy - does it count as quality single time if you can't remember much of it? I am absolutely loving the freedom of going out and doing what I want WITHOUT APPROVAL. Not half as scary as I envisioned - minus the fear of parallel parking. It seems if I am going to be single for much longer I am going to need to know how to get my car into a parallel spot by myself. I mean really it's ridiculous that I can't.
On the home front things are pretty much the same. Well... Youngest brother has turned 13 and boy is it apparent that puberty is rearing its ugly head in the house. For a while it was tantrums and screaming, the door slamming comes a bit later in the whole equation if I remember correctly? His all-consuming obsession with computer games is somewhat sad to watch. Shouldn't he be playing outside in the sunshine or riding bikes?
My mother has given up on treatment. It's a never ending battle that seems to have been going on for as long as we can remember. Her last round of radiation made her violently ill - scarily so. She started the whole "quality of life" line of thinking again. so now mum is sans evil cancer treatment. She's just pretty tired all the time. Wish I could wave a magic wand and make it go away. Wish someone would wave something and make it go away. All these amazing brains on earth and no-ones figured this out? Come on people!
My insomnia has graciously returned while I am completely stressing out about work. Maybe because I have lost 2 whole working days this week to hangover ... am feeling insanely guilt ridden about laziness this week and as a result have vowed to actually spend tomorow (a sunny saturday) indoors chained to my computer.
Will make the beer taste better, and sunday's hangover feel a little more deserved.
hah well not too bad for the first post in ages.. there's loads more but *sigh* guess i will save it for another contemplative/whiny/self indulgent/pensive moment.
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