More funnies

I just can't help but love the Stumble tool. If you have some spare time get it and waste some wonderful hours laughing...

The Difference between Man and Woman

I've been very very bad

Life has gotten so hectic on my side of the planet. I haven't posted in what seems like forever!

My mother has started yet another round of strong chemo so if you pass by this blog - send your prayers this way. At the moment she's just feeling tired so maybe she might even sail through this round.

Trying to balance work, siblings, mom and boyfreind is making life rather exhausting at the moment so there's little energy for my modest little blog.

Timeless jokes: Men vs. dogs

I've come across this joke before but it never fails to make me laugh..

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you--except Frisbee (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE ALIKE

Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both pass gas shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.

HOW MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Men are a little bit more subtle.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
And the number one reason dogs fall short...
It's fun to dry off a wet man !!!!!!!! (If you're a woman that is !!!)

* The more people I meet - the more I love my dog*

The Psychology of blogging - what are we really thinking?

I read somewhere that every second someone starts a new blog.

Do you have a blog? Chances are you do - and if you don't you will soon. Even if you don't have a blog you must spend some time reading them (ur reading this after all :P) .

But what's the point?

I love reading other people's blogs, and I can spend hours lost in cyberspace reading the most intimate thoughts of people I have never, and will never meet. At the same time - I also hope that my blog wll be read, enjoyed and commented on by people I have never met.

But, if a blog is the equivalent of a cyber-diary, why is it that we so badly want people to read and enjoy it?

If this were a traditional diary - complete with lock and key - these thoughts would be closely guarded. I would be mortified if someone read my diary!!

So what are we thinking when we post about how constipated we are, or what we had for breakfast? What is it that drives people to share their most banal thoughts with the world?

When I'm surfing other blogs, I find my favourites are the ones where I get a voyeuristic look into the lives of the authors. And there are so many to choose from you can keep reading forever and not nearly touch on anywhere near all the blogs.

I choose not to share so much in this blog because - while i love to read other people's share-all blogs I'm not sure I feel comfortable with strangers reading my innermost thoughts.

I never trust that blogs are truly anonymous. I think I've written about my fear of 'overshare ' before - but I really beleive that at some stage everything personal we write will have the potential to come back and harm us.

When I started this blog - I did so because life was so dark and pointless I felt that I might be able to connect with others going through the same things. I didn't share enough for that to happen - I thought about it often; and if you look back -there are odd mentions here and there about my mothers cancer, or a bad day, or unemployement struggles - but little about the sadness that was engulfing me. If I had kept a private diary I would have surely written very very dark stuff indeed (luckily I'm feeling abit more positive these days).

Maybe blogs are a healthier way to purge.

We tend to share more - public appropriate versions of lives. After all we don't want to feel inadequate - or worse, abnormal. We post in our blogs to feel part of something greater - and I beleive we are. Imagine people a thousand years from now can have access to some of these most complete writings of life as we know it. What better than blogs to create one of the best pictures of life as we experience it now?

What we choose to share in our blogs must at some level be a reflection of our Superego struggling to maintain control. The Ego (mine anyway) often wants to blog about really private things - after all the Ego believes we can't do any wrong... The SuperEgo is fighting to maintain the socially accepted norms - you can't blog about certain things because most people will either think you are a freak or deficient in some way, or judge you for your failure to comply with society.

After all - don't we all want to be perceived as intelligent, witty and above all flawless human beings?

There are people who do blog about their flaws - the mom who blogs about her weight gain, the adopted child who blogs about finding her birth parents, - but these instances I think are a way of blogging about our shortcomings in a socially acceptable way. In the end - whose fault is it really? The blogger is a victim of circumstance and nobody will really hold it against the new mom who can't shed the baby fat - it's to be expected.

On the other end of the spectrum, I was reading about the Russian girl who was blogging about her hatred for her mother; and then shortly after her last post which said something about how her mother was driving her nuts; she murdered her mother. By the time the blog was taken offline - five thousand comments had been left.

Wouldn't it be interesting if more people started blogging about their truly unacceptable habbits and thoughts. I would love to read the blog of a serial rapist or the thoughts of a suicide bomber. Wouldn't you? Wouldn't these kinds of blogs benefit the world in a way much greater than the depraved individual?

It taps into the deepest darkest voyeur in us all.

Blogs are the greatest reflection of our world today; pretty soon every niche of humanity will be covered. And in the end I guess we all reinforce each other in a *big gloal blog hug*.

Creative ways to get people to feel guilty about not going to church...

Some early ideas for April Fools pranks

I love April Fool's day. Probably because I'm such a gullible blonde and I can appreciate good prank - and the effort it took to think it up. You know you aren't too much of a 'stuffy' grown up when you pull off a funny, well-timed prank.

So that you too can prepare for the day of pranks and tom-foolery, here are some of the funniest idea's for pranks :

Simple prank ideas that don't take too much effort (or preparation)

- Salt can very easily be swapped with sugar. Should make for a nice salty suprise!
- Changeing all the clocks in the house is another great simple prank. We did this last year and watched mayhem unfold.
- Put food colouring in someone's shampoo (although that IS abit mean)

Pranks that will amuse your kids:

If they are too young to understand then try stay away from pranks that are going to be hard to convince them otherwise ( i still have a fear of watermelon pips sprouting in my tummy)

- Put some green food colouring in your cereal
- Cut a hole through an apple and put a gummy worm inside - that should liven up the lunchbox experience!
- At some stage in the night- sneak into your kids bedrooms and gently put them in each other's rooms.
- Buy some mini hotdogs , or any other food item that comes in super small sizes. Prepare the larger version, when your kids arent looking put the mini versions in the microwave and act shocked when you pull out your mini supper!

Pranks that will amuse your partner or friends:

- Put a rubber band over the spout in the kitchen. Secure it so that the nozzle is pointing upwards. Anyone who turns the tap gets a facefull.

A fun prank for schoolkids:

- If there is any point in the day when everybody's schoolbags are lined up together take the shoulder straps and tie them all together. You'll get a great laugh watching as everybody tries to figure out whats going on.

Pranks for strangers:

- The timeless superglued coin trick. Stick it to the sidewalk and watch people try!

Hope some of these suggestions help you decide on the best way to prank your family, friends and coworkers. I always have difficulty deciding so this year, for the first time, I am thinking about it beforehand.

There's nothing as funny as a well executed, prank as long as it isn't mean spirited in any way.

This is of course just my modest little list - i'm sure there are plenty more ways to celebrate April Fools day without spending any money, or taking too much time to set it up...

Joining the land of the working well (cue tumbleweed)

Oh my poor neglected little blog.

Sincerest apologies for my recent laziness with the blogging - i've been working like a slave. Am stoked to finally be earning a little bit of money and i guess my modest little blog took a backseat.

i have no idea how other people manage to keep up with a job and update their blogs regularly!

*tumbleweed rolls on*

Blogger hassles

Ok so nobody seems to be moaning enough about the problems blogger has been experiencing lately. Am i the only one who has constant problems uploading photo's? The connection seems to fail and it permanently seems like someone is doing maintenance.

Now don't get me wrong - if Google was a religion i would sing along and enthusiastically clap my hands. Google is fantastic and soon they will rule the world. But blogger seems set to become a big swollen pustule on the unblemished face of google.

There are 5 trillion blogs floating about and blogger is the most reliable free service around. I hope these constant hiccups aren't a precursor of bigger failures to come.

Drawing the line with homework help ...

Ok so new learning techniques and funny syllabus changes aside - what is happening with schoolkids?!?

Something that really grates my carrot is how nobody seems to be able to do their own homework anymore.

We all knew kids in school who didn't do their own homework. To me it's a bit LESS respectable than just not doing it. Not doing it is an act of open defiance - getting mummy to do it is just plain wimpy!

I used to have a friend at school called Nicole. She was an only child to an ageing couple and she got away with murder. Including having her mom do all her homework. Much to our dismay her mom got better marks than us. I remember being pissed off even then that her volcano project was cooler than mine becuase I spent time making mine and working out how to make it explode just like a real volcano.

My brother is becoming that kid. He's 12 and somehow managed to get the whole thing done for him! grrrrrrr. What pisses me off the most is that I helped them! A 12 year old child cannot possibly understand what makes Kubla Kahn such a beautiful poem!

But who's fault is this whole homework for is actually moms mentality? It the teachers who give them homework that is too complicated or too much? Is it the kids just being lazy? Is it the parents who just do the stuff for them?

Maybe it's a combination of the above but i know when i was a child i did all my own homework - thats what its for isnt it? What is the point of homework otherwise?

Are we breeding a generation of helpless adults?

On being a newbie and a quitter

So I have been at this for juuust over a month now and i think my blog is becoming more respectable. Still nothing like the uber blogs but *sigh* one day...

In case you are wondering why the tumbleweed seems to be moving around this spot it's because i'm taking some time to start a new - slightly less modest blog.

I'm trying to put some hard learned lessons into practise. It's my quit smoking blog. I'm quite proud already - i hope my little public shame forum will help me
1) quit smoking and 2) become a better blogger.


Go have a look :

http://its-time-to-stop-smoking.blogspot.com/

An acute sense of weltschmerz

I've had it my whole life - an acute sense of weltschmertz. It's a german word which looosely translated means "to feel the worlds pain" - an accumalated sense of the pain the world faced every day.'world weariness', sadness about the evils of the world..

And evils are something we aren't short of - good people die, children are raped, poverty, illness, tragedy, crime, the elderly, abuse, unemployment. the mind boggles.

one of my girlfriends had a boyfriend who claimed to be what he called 'an empath'. despite his personal shortcomings - i liked the idea. Here was a man who claimed to be blown away when he walked into a room by the collective pain of everyone - which he claimed he could tune into and feel- acutely.

It's a fascinating idea.

I never really beleived him entirely because if anyone could feel everyone else's pain - that person would probably not live to see their fifth birthday.

I have always thought i was tuned into other people's pain. I would never go as far as to claim i can feel everyone's pain - but i always had a sense of a greater pool of the stuff.

I have always been plagued by a sense of overwhelming sadness, can't pinpoint where or when it started - but its gotten steadily worse. The older you get the more you understand how sad a place the world is.

Lord Byron was also stricken with this ailment...

Anyway. I'm sad. I'm so over freakin come by sadness to the point that everytime i think too long i get tired becuase my thoughts weigh as much as an elephant. at least.

at the risk of oversharing i stop here. for now.

i have this feeling like .... something's gotta give.

stay tuned

anyway on the lighter side of the subject - here's a very cool cartoon on the subject of weltschmertz . I love canadian things. well thats not entirely true - i used to love brian adams (that now=crinkly canadian rocker), my tv lecturer (the cool one) was from canada, - and one of the hottest men i ever met was from canada... so enjoy the canadian cartoon *

Insomnia - hey at least its not death

Although at this point i may as well be dead.

Insomnia - i hate it! I've seen sunrise every day and I'm getting pretty sick of it. I just want one normal nights sleep. Is that too much to ask?

Since those damn powercuts I have been existing at night and sleeping at the oddest of hours. On the bright side - the moon is soo beautifully full and the sky so clear.

I'm not sure if it's related to the insane amount of worrying i've been indulging in but i'm just not able to sleep anymore.

I have always been a night owl - preferred working through the night when there are no distractions. It's just abit pointless when there isn't any work. Although thats probably a large part of the problem. Another day of this and i'm going to need a padded cell!

Anybody have any real ideas about encouraging some normal hours?

Waitressing - it could happen to you!

I just watched It could happen to you, and it left me with a strange urge to go back to waitressing. Well at least considering it. I'm thinking- it could happen to me! You never know - sometimes good things happen to good people (well assuming I'm a good person).

What a charming movie.

Nicholas Cage does the good guy thing so well with those soft eyes and gentle demeanor. He's a good cop who offers a waitress a share of his lottery ticket instead of a tip. They win and of course fall in love. Not the best movie (hardcore cynics won't enjoy it) but really enjoyable and kind of leaves you with a warm feeling inside.

I used to waitress - for far too long. I hated it and I loved it. Just thinking about it conjures up images of drunken ass grabbing and the worlds worst tippers who undoubtedly I had the pleasure of serving. You know the kind - they make you run through hoops for them and then tip badly. I once had a woman insist that I take the pips out of her tomatoes for her. Serious.

Anyway so I am thinking abit about waitressing and looking around to see if anybody has ever gotten even remotely that lucky and I stumbled upon find the coolest games! (even me who is a general game retard).

You are a waitress, "new and easy to fire". You need to keep your customers happy or you will die. This game is a great way to gain apprecaition for the skills involved in waiting tables. And it's fun - really fun. It starts off slow but builds to quite a pace. Every customer that walks off means you lose a life and eventually you die.

Give it a go here.

You'll find it does have some problems that get abit irritating. The waitress doesn't walk any faster than a stroll - which just isn't good enough when the restuarant is full! The kitchen only makes one order at a time.

Yahoo also has a waitressing game that is great. This one is also fun - faster waitress more customers and tables as well as some add ons like music and extra tables.

Try out Diner Dash here.

This one improves upon some of the faults of the one before it - but for some reason I prefer the other one. The Diner Dash has plenty more special features ; like the ability to add more tables and music.

I wonder if we get some bad tippers to play if they will change their ideas about how undeserving waiting staff is of the small service fees?

Here's an idea - if when you do go out again; leave a generous tip because:
1. It's good karma
2. If you don't you might come back in your next life as a waiter!
3. You don't want to worry about spit in your food - DO YOU...?

My Simpsons alter ego...

I took another one of these quizzes and nearly pissed myself when I read the results - freakishly accurate? *burp*

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

Google's sense of humour

Just a little laugh for today - type "Miserable failure" into a google search and see what comes up!

Mini- me

I found the most awesome site that makes Barbie playing almost legitimate. This is my mini-me lovingly created here.

I think she reflects the way i see myself more than the reality. And it doesn't look like you can change the body type - but a pretty cool likeness anyways :P

go ahead have a try...

power cuts yet again

Power cuts are making it impossible to post regularly. And just about impossible to anything else either. Soon there will be a very very long post about what exactly it is going on here in our dark little corner of Africa. Until then theres some work to be done before we get cut off again .

*sigh*

Blood, guts and popcorn

Yet again, another one and half hours of my life that I want back!

I'm talking about the movie I just watched - Shaun of the Dead. Starts off great - funny intriguing, but turns into just another pedestrian zombie movie with intestines and a little love story.

Blood, guts and popcorn.

Its part of a trend towards comedy-horror. It's almost like people think that by poking fun at how cliched their movie is that makes it more acceptable (or even watchable)? Don't get me wrong some movies pull it off brilliantly - the Scary Movie series is still brilliant and makes me laugh - but mostly becuase it's not trying to make me scared too.

Shaun of the Dead is silly and afterwards you will feel cheated. Yep it's just another zombie movie.

*Yawns*

At least our power was *knocks on wood* uninterupted enough today to watch it !

Power cuts in Cape Town

We are having power cuts here now every day! For hours and hours on end. It's making it impossible to keep the blogging regular.

Granted candle lit evenings are novel and all but its wearing thin fast now. Our nuclear power station is in a mess of note.

More on the feared/impending nuclear disaster when we have uninterupted power for long enough to string some thoughts together!

Snails on the window

Just another rainy morning in Cape Town.

Was having my first cup of coffee for the day and I found this snail on the window. Kinda makes me wish I had an better camera.

One of these days I'm going to take a pic of the camera I'm using so everyone can have a good laugh. Until the day that I get a new improved camera (and at the moment it seems about as likely as me buying an island!) I hope you will enjoy the little snippets from my daily life.

Just like the writing - the photo taking seems to get alot easier with practise!

Have a beautiful day*

Bashful bladders and other such stories

My man and I are now living together. Not officially but I haven't been back to my place in ages.

To me it makes so much sense. I sleep better when I'm next to him, we eat better and we seem to get stuff done too. Cohabiting does have its downsides. I've dubbed it as the bashful bladder and to be polite I might forgo the other description I have. Here's someone who I love but if we are to be honest relationships take an awful long time to get out of that i'm-actually-wonderful-24/7 sydrome.

Being wonderful 24/7 means your bowel movements must be kept under wraps at all costs. The bashful bowel if you will.

There are all kinds of statistics about cohabiting. I hate statistics becuase I end up beleiving 69.3% of them. If we do get married (and that according to the statistics is unlikely after living together) we are more likely to get divorced.

I disagree though. I think it's essential to live with someone before.

Essential and fun. 'Living in sin' as devout christians like to call it - brings us closer. Imagine we actually had habbits or character traits that we didn't want the other to see. Although I think everyone in a relationship has a few of those. I was just kind of hoping he would somehow think that I don't ever poo. Know what i mean?

It is in fact one of the hardest things about living together in the beginning. You want to keep a certain amount of mystique but in the real world- you just gotta let some things out (scuse the pun).

Ever wanted to buy your own island?

Imagine your own island! Wow wow wow! I go mushy imagining the paradise I could create!

We've all thought of it at some point before - dreams of lazy days passed in a tropical, serene palace of an island we can call our own. But have you ever seriously surfed around at the options available to prospective island buyers?

I know there doesn't seem to be much hope that I will amass a fortune of that magnitude anytime soon *sigh*. Buying an island is definately a statement of wealth and status of which I have neither (yet:P).

I haven't been able to stumble across the affordable island section yet.. I don't think I have stumbled upon much that is legitimate either. I can understand if Bill Gates has an island; Bono must have an island and a handful of other priviledged few. Richard Branson even offers his own island for rent for a mere $11995.00. Go check it out if you can afford to ... But seriously - are there any "normal" folk who own their own islands?

It seems that these could be scams? What kind of laws allow foreigners to buy large chunks of land without being a resident? If that is the case there don't seem to be too many islands around here and damnit people would flip if someone sold Robben Island on the internet.

Most of the offers gloss over the issues of property rights and whether or not they actually have the right to offer these islands. Who decides who they belong to in the first place? How can you be certain there isn't some small print and after spending a fortune you won't be left with some scam?
Anyway I guess these kinds of issues are a long way off. But I know for sure - should I ever be in a position to do so - I will do it straight away.

If you too want to buy your own island ...
The most well-known site for purchases is here - it has been recommended by Time and Forbes
This great article with practical considerations such as water supply and infrastructure.
Some more practical issues and some interesting offers.. the island in the picture can be yours for a mere $325,000.

Paris Hilton is always good for a laugh

Ok so today I heard possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard about Paris Hilton...

Apparrently while taking a taxi she accidentally wet herself in the backseat . As if that isn't enough humiliation it seems the taxi driver soaked up the oopsie with a towel and is now demanding she pay for the damage. If she doesn't - the taxi driver is threatening to have the towel dna tested...

Although i guess it is the pitfall of being a celebrity. It must be pretty shite to have anyone who is vaguely interested be able to tell other people about the time YOU peed yourself.

There is talk of her playing Mother Theresa in a movie soon! I have nothing against Paris personally. She's gorgeous, she pretends to me more stupid than she is. But lets not forget she is somewhat of a *cough* 'loose' girl. Thats part of her charm. Anybody remember "one night in Paris?" or the lesbian video?. These things made her famous. And now someone wants to add a credit as Mother Theresa to her list?

And how wrong is it that i just mentioned Paris Hilton, dodgey videos and Mother Theresa in the same paragraph!?!

Pyromaniacs delight

Once again our poor mountain is on fire. Wildlife is making a mass exodus away and people are making a mass exodus towards it. These are some photos we took while on a drive this afternoon.

Fire seems to bring out the rubber-necker in us all. I even saw a family with a picnic basket. How strange - 'come on kids! lets go watch the mountain burn and have a lovely picnic!".

its not just a dirty lens, theres smoke and mist from the helicopters too


Not even two weeks after our last major fire. Really tragic for many reasons. There are all sorts of plant life that will be wiped off the face of the planet for ever.




for some more pics of the last time this happened ( quite spectacularly) go here ...

Addicted to mediocre tv

I seem to have developed a problem. I could now either be considered as a couch-potato or a movie addict - im thinking maybe movie addict is a better sounding diagnosis?

I will watch just about anything. Really. Now that insomnia is playing with me violently once more I have taken to watching movies. The kind that South African tv is showing. No offence - everyone knows we have world class film and television industries thriving right here in Cape Town, but our national broadcasters leave much to be desired.

The difference between satelite and public access tv is vast. Basically if you really like watching tv you are better off paying for the privilege of having something vaguely cool to watch.

I have taken to watching pretty much any movie that comes along. This ranges from insufferable movies about flesh eating shoppers to half decent movies. last night I watched 'The Hand that Rocks the Cradle'. I couldn't sleep for a few hours afterwards.

The movie is soo creepy yet plausible. An evil nanny and a wonderful happy family in a 1992 thriller! (hahahhaa) I guess even at the time it was kind of made for tv. Its good anyway. It reminded me abit of Rosemary's Baby. Although thats alooot better! Rosemary's Baby is a movie classic in the thriller/horror genre by Roman Polanski. nuff said.

I love to be scared when I watch something. Why do you thing it is when we watch scary things we enjoy it so much? Why do we like to be scared?

I think I discovered the answer whilst surfing around the other day. Apparently while watching a scary movie (particularly with your partner) your brain releases chemicals reminiscent of those needed during the 'fight or flight' response.. These feelgood chemicals can make you feel sexy. Men feel protective, women feel vulnerable - geat combo. It has the uncanny effect of making you feel closer to the person you are with because - if we still lived in caves - this person would be your protector.

Anyways - hope that makes sense (?) and if you get the chance and are in mediocre-tv-land sometime watch this movie. It's creepy.

Damn pharmaceutical spam!

OK this is really starting to bug me- I've always wondered why people complain about getting Viagra ads in their email. Now its finally happening to me and I have no idea how or why somebody somewhere thinks that I need Viagra!?!!?

The link to the website doesn't work, the email adress doesn't work and it all leaves me feeling slightly freaked out. Who got my email adress and how did they equate me with a need for a sex drug? Don't get me wrong.. I get pretty excited at the thought of an eight hour erection but -my sex life is fantastic!

Although.. we have all heard about the effects of Viagra on women. The thought of my man taking it leaves me fearing for my life somewhat - but a rip-roaring orgasm fest leaves me abit thrilled. Although apparently now Pfizer has given up testing the stuff on women. They claim women are more complicated than men. (Well hey - its not a claim its true.) Pity though - some mojo pills sounds like a great way to pass a lazy sunday....

Speaking of which.. there's a lazy monday night that needs some passing...

Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy

I'm sitting here wondering what to blog about today whilst battling a most crippling craving for beer.

According to Wikipedia - beer dates back to the 5th millenium BC. Although it was originally considered a drink of barbarians - well i guess you could still consider it that...although there seem to be many many experts in the field of beer appreciation. The Haute Couture of beer.

Beer is really good for you - containing magnesium, selenium, potassium, and B vitamins amongst others. Not to mention the psychological benefits.

Although it does have its bad points too... The dreaded beer belly seems to be a common phenomenon here in South Africa. Much like that fashion disaster - the dreaded mullet. And for some reason a beer belly and a mullet often go hand in hand here too. mm not very sexy is it?

I wonder why women don't get beer bellys? I've been appreciating beer for many years already and even though I'm not mad about excercise I dont seem to have a beer boep. Anyone have any ideas? or know any women with beer belly's?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that not many women really drink beer? Or do they - I have no idea. I have always loved beer.

My honey and I have this lovely pub ritual when we are feeling competitive - we have a "ten beer challenge". I have always maintained that he should give me some kind of one beer handicap - which he always uses against me when I actually win - which is - all the time.

Ten beers can really knock you out. I guess it also depends on the kind of beer and how much you have eaten. And as I love to remind my man - hormones play a huuuge role in the handling of ones liqour too.

Anyways - all this beer talk has made me thirsty - I'm off in a quest for beer ...

An unfortunate name

Sometimes you just come across something that must be shared. Hows this for an unfortunate name...

and to make matters worse - poor Dr.Dick Kukard is a gynae ! shouldn't his folks have at least given him a nondescript-impossible-to-tease first name? That surname lends itself to all kinds of teasing.

anyway have a little giggle and carry on surfing :)

Happy Valentines

In a tragic twist of fate I wasn't able to get into blogger! and after actually getting my very first comment. I was so excited - didn't espect anyone would be doing that for a while!

So thanks to my first ever comment i am feeling abit better about my modest little blog :)

Have been seriously distracted by some news. Can't share just yet but my brain is feeling all mushy. Time will tell if this blog is about to take a very exciting turn.

Until then - happy valentines and remember to hold hands often. *

The hit and run bumper saga

My mother has decided she isn't going to do anything about the man that knocked her bumper and just drove off in rushhour traffic. This makes my blood boil.

So I thought in my own small way I would shame the bastard who did this.

conrgatulations Mr - CA 385504 !! Unfortunately its probably a safe bet to assume that you are such a neanderthal that you will never see this.

Crime hurts

My man and I have this ritual drive thing we do. look what we found today:

Great idea to keep criminals out - its called "Eina Ivy" (Eina - south african slang for very sore).

Bit sad that people have to resort to such extremes to keep their homes safe from criminals - but kudos for being funny about it *

Slagging off a certan chain store

Well it would appear the bad luck fairy has hit our family in a big way this week.

I've been trying to remain a neutral mysterious figure - but you know what - my family life is probably better than a soap opera.

Things that have gone wrong this week...

1) monday morning - the kid sitting next to my brother chops a little girls finger off in class right next to him. He comes home covered in blood.

2) my little brother breaks his toe on tuesday

3) later that afternoon my sister goes into diabetic coma.

4) my sister had broken her arm in a very well known chain store - on their wet floor. (bout 2 weeks ago). My mother gets the news that they have decided not to pay the medical costs! Stay tuned though because we are taking them to court.

5) and finally - this morning - while she stuck in the traffic - some *@#$$%%^^ drives into her - knocks off her bumper and drives off!!

Of course all this stress isn't good for my moms cancer either.

And they say these things come in threes ? Where does that moronic statement come from anyway?!?! At least we all kind of laugh about it now. As you can imagine - things seem o go wrong all the time..

My family has always been particularly prone to very bad luck. I guess this week seems to be no exception.

My family and other animals

what an exhausting day.

Be careful this Valentines day

Apparently sex can be a dangerous business. According to ananova.com - frisky englishmen cause more than £350m in damages in a year!

The poll found that a third of couples will injure themselves - and the rest will make insurance claims for broken items.

I dont know about you - but I have never injured myself that seriously? I'm interested though - what's in the drinking water - and can we have some bottled and imported here in SA?

Perhaps its just all the cold weather driving people to seek body heat? Such a pity valentines day in Cape Town is the hottest time of year.

Not that we need any excuses

and on that note.... please do excuse me - theres some furniture to be broken....

Lost

On a somewhat different and more upbeat note than yesterday - my honey and I have become seriously addicted to Lost. As luck would have it we stumbled across the very first episode and are now addicted. If you haven't yet seen it - do yourself a favour and get it.

Suffering somewhat from writers block - prolly all the fantastic Tv and brainrot I spoke about yesterday.

i think if you gave me a penny for my thoughts at this point you would get some change..

self-flagellation interlude

until tomorow

fades out

The unemployment chronicles PART 1

I woke up today with a heavy feeling in the pit of my tummy. I couldnt really think of a reason to get out of my bed. Now thats quite a disturbing thought - because if you cannot think of a reason that you would want to get out of bed - why in fact do u exist?

Unemployment can come as a crushing blow if you previously defined yourself by your job. Whilst its true that some days are better than others - when everyday starts looking the same the days tend to get worse. I think it has a lot to do with hopefulness and confidence. Two traits that I am running severely short on at the moment.

I have been out of work for just over 3 months now. Luckily I am young - and by some stroke of good fortune I might just be able to recover. Its been so long since I've worked that I am really scared that I won't be able to work ever again. The longer I don't work the more the brain rot sets in. I've noticed it already. I don't even want to socialise anymore because I dont feel I have anything valuable to contribute.

my silly little backstory...
I graduated from university - just over 2 years ago. I have worked since - but nothing noteworthy - no "real" job - so to speak.
Until a few months ago my only dream was to become a fantastically talented cinematographer. These dreams are starting to change quite drastically. aaaa the innocence /idealism/romantic notions that sprout forth in university.. But alas - out in the job maraket you are not special - nobody really cares if you can hang out a three story window just to get the right shot. There are just too many talented and special people out there. I just dont feel like one of them.

The wealth of self- help information is astounding. I've become fascinated by it. Even though ironically I think it might be becuase so much of my time is spent surfing for jobs and information that I am not getting anything done. Self help experts would cringe. But hey maybe one day I too will become a self-help expert.I am looking into a way to finance my psychology masters. I think maybe my thesis might even have something to do with the long term effects of joblessness.

Anyway I don't want this to become a depressing blog at all. But I may as well be honest - this is the big issue for me right now. My hope is that eventually I will be able to turn these little ideas and thoughts into some meaningful articles at some stage. Until then excuse me if i just ramble on....

- just got a slighty cheering thought - when i do actually find a job i will change this column to chronicles of the now blissfully employed :)

Confessions from the itchy and scratchy show

mmm...

todays blog is somewhat more grotesque than the others. And no it has nothing to do with Paris Hilton or Britney Spears - I'm talking about .... Fleas . Driving me mad and I have no idea what to do about it anymore.

I have started taking my flea hatred to disturbing new extremes. Animal lovers might be horrifed at this little confession but I just need to get this off my chest. Its my dirty little secret and I'm ashamed to admit - I torture fleas f0r fun. Having run out of creative flea control solutions I have started my own sick little torture chamber for the little buggars...


Meet Noodle.. the apple of my eye. I have another sausage dog -Mojo.

I decided that I needed to vent some frustration; and being of the opinion that fleas actually don't have feelings anyway - my torture chamber seems justified.

Ok.. deep breath here follows the gruesome murder scene - cue violins.....

I have a little jar in which I spray flea pesticide inside it until the inside is coated with a thick layer of gooey goodness - I then grab a puppy and manually pick off a flea, drop the fleas inside and watch. I get some kind of sick thrill from watching them drown in the spray slowly. The slower the better.

Does this make me evil or odd?

playing with barbies

OK im back after a particularly blue friday evening ..

thought i might cheer myself up a bit by catching up on whats been going in the world with some surfing?

Not that scanning through the news is a surefire way to beat the blues - I just read that Lance Armstrong and his fiance Sheryl Crow have split up !Seems abit odd after anouncing on their engagement so recently? They relelased a press statement to People magazine saying that they have made the very difficult decision to split up. I am shocked - but then again i just hate it when people break up. Specially such cool couple. Hope its not true. I guess the thing is - if beautiful, successful people cant make it work - what chance do us normal folk stand?

Just read a frightening statistic - apparently one in ten divorces in America is becuase a partner is gay. Hectic - whats happening to the world. One would think that years of enlightment - pride marches and men in pink shirts would have taught children that its ok if you want to be gay.

My psychology professor at university said to us that - when children are small -they have no idea about gender appropriate toys. Whilst it can be alarming when little Jonny asks for a malibu barbie for christmas - far more damaging is the reaction the request is met with. Anyway - its not like playing with dolls make boys gay. I think if more men played with barbies - wars would not happen. Somebody hand George Bush a barbie :P

On that note - has anybody been keeping track of the barbie evolutions? When i was little barbie was my favourite role model - and recently when my five year old cherub-like cousin came over I was convinced to bring them out and have a go at some hairbrushing - outfit picking fun.

Anyway heres a funny one - Redneck Barbie! hahahahhaaha - i laughed myself sick.

Anyway enough rambles from this corner - my honey is cracking open a bottle of woolworths "Wild White" - which i am quite excited about.

Im off to pretty up abit and go have some fun.

me and my honey

Friendship prayer

Isnt this lovely?

My prayer for anyone who happens upon my bloglet ..


May the fleas of a thousand camels
infect the crotch of the person who screws up your day
and may their arms be too short to scratch

Amen!

my morning cup of coffee

I did eventually manage to fall asleep last night - with the aid of a good book - im busy reading the first part of Roald Dahls biography "Going Solo". Its so so excellent - i think I might even go so far as to say he is my favourite author.

one of my favourite things to do is to read the morning news with a potent cuppa joe and scan for anything interesting. And in case u are wondering - yes i do have entirely too much time on m hands at the moment!

Just a quick scan through reveals...

The 'Karma Sutra' worm might be unleashed again today - on the third day of each month it is unleashed destroying various documents on your computer. It arrives as an attachment of kinky photos. Be warned!

Its official - Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear will be splitting up. A collective moments silence for the end of yet another dynamic relationship. *

Some good news finally - a study conducted in Zimbabwe has concluded that the rate of HIV/Aids is declining ... finally.

on that note - one of my favourite places to go have a look for some cheering news is happynews go check it out and remind yourself that good things actually do happen in the world :)

until later then

insomnia is...

It's just before four in the morning here and now I am truly wide wide awake.

I've always been interested in sleep and dreaming. Maybe because I love sleeping so much. Just the thought that the brain is so infinite in its capabilities. Astounds me.

I have weird, vivid, magical, horrific dreams which I love to analyse. I always make a point of lying very still when i awaken and trying to remember. Most often I do.

I have also become very interested in the art of lucid dreaming. I have been reading abit on the subject and look forward to the day when i will be able to control my dreams to the point that my imagination is the limit.

Which i guess is what it is anyway.

Please excuse me if i ramble. This blog is so oddly liberating i feel like typing every random thought in my tired head. I can see the attraction. Im glad to finally be part of it all. NO worries though i will try to keep my bloggorhea under control as much as i can.

I have no idea what is too much information or too little.

But like I've said - this is just my modest little blog.

Until i find a voice and some confidence

Anyway - i guess the bright computer screen isnt doing any wonders for my insomniA. Im off to finnish my book - will tell u all about it when i awaken.

xx

I enter the sea of blogs...

I have been wanting to start a blog for some time now. But, in an otherwise endless sea of blogs and ramblings by professionals and super talented people - it seems quite hard to stand out. To have something really special that keeps people coming back for more.

Damnit today is the day! Today I start my blog, today I write something - anything that means that I too have taken part in this incredible revolution. And, hopefully - with time - i will eventually have a deliciously entertaining blog.

If this blog does nothing more than make u smile and come back again i will be a happy girl indeed. Bear with me while i stumble around and fiddle with this most modest little blog.

But watch this space because cool things will be happening here :)