The Seething Rage and Random moans

I'm feeling muuuch better than the last time I posted (I am not too sick to smoke anymore~ I even managed to get a beer in at the end of last week =)

Pretty much everything is sucking at the moment.

Started with an awful 'Incident' happening with the ex's Crazy crazy sister. (Literally just out of the loony bin !) It's too awful to talk about but I have been like completely crippled with anger since the Incident. Was temporarily considering voodoo type universal redress. I bawled copiously and lamented the loss of an important part of my life (not the crazy b&^*% but the friendship with ex and closeness to his parents.) Anyway its one of those things I am dying to talk about but won't.

i am getting angry about it all over again GRRRRR.

Have been very comforted by thoughts of Karma and universal redress -- she will get what she deserves eventually*

The tragedy is that it has totally spoiled the friendship between me and ex.. which was a major sanity keeper. Am left feeling as though the relationship has ended all over again. He's taking her side in what is clearly a completely ridiculous crazy freakout on her part. *sigh*moan*wails*

I have been shocked at my own capacity to feel anger. I havent felt anger like this in many many years. Anger, sadness, hurt and complete blind rage.

Now this massive torrent of anger has completely thrown me off balance everywhere else. Work is a mess, am clearly not getting along with Major Client and on the verge of rising a middle finger (politely of course).

Am feeling very claustrophobic at home. It isn't fun sharing a house with three other sick people in the best of circumstances. Add in all the factors at play in this mad household and we have recipe for unmitigated grumpiness.

Hopefully it's a temporary funk. Caring Shag Buddy (or something like that) is coming to town on Wednesday. Not sure if we will shag though. Am looking forward to it - we always have fun either way.

Have been having a strange/impossible/unheard of resolution brewing in my head for a while. It all started after I read a thread on a male forum about never marrying a 'shag buddy.' Had a major lightbulb moment. Not that I want to be married (LOL), but it would be nice if some lovely man/long lost soulmate might deem me worthy of spending our lives together. Do I need to stop having shag buddies?

And this isnt the only change ruminating in my head... Although maybe i should refrain from making life changing decisions whilst doped up on flu meds.

Anyway I should be working now. Amazing how urgent blogging seems when theres work to be done hehehe

*Peace to all - Except a certain Crazy who shall remain unnamed*